Dear anesthesiologist/CRNA/patient,
If you hear or read or write a good or bad joke on anesthesia or anesthesiologists or patients of anesthesiologists - please send it to us. Maybe we will revise it, change it, throw it. In any case we will publish it or not publish it in this section. Be sure of that. Don`t laugh alone.
The jokes should be sent to: a1b2c3d4@netvision.net.il
Don`t forget to mention that it is a joke. Maybe it isn`t.
I would like to thank Joerg W. Steinhauer for some of the jokes and for initiating this section.
Joseph Eldor, MD
Editor, CSEN - The Global Regional Anesthesia Website
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess". He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I will
turn me back
into a beautiful princess!" The man took the frog out of his
pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the man
took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you
I'm a
beautiful princess, and will do anything you want. Why won't you
kiss
me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm an anesthesiologist. I don't have
the time nor
the money for a beautiful princess, but a talking frog, now that
is really
cool."
The history of Anesthesia:
2000 B.C. - "Here, take this hammer."
1000 B.C. - "That hammer is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this
potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this
pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this
inhalation"
2000 A.D. - "That inhalation is artificial. Show me your
back".
2025 A.D. - "Here, take this hammer".
Two anesthesiologists were sitting at a bar for nearly an hour. Finally, one turned to the other and said, "You know, Arnie, I`ve been thinking. It`s a dog-eat-dog world".
Arnie turned away and contemplated for another hour. Then he turned to his friend and said, "Maybe it is. Or it could be the other way around".
An anesthesiologist on safari was in a jeep that stopped in a remote African village. He was taking a drink of water with his African guide when he saw a gorgeous young white woman walk out of a tent."Who`s that?" he asked. "The daughter of the missionary, Bwana."
"Boy," the horny anesthesiologist said, "I`d sure like to eat her."
The African quickly raised his rifle and shot her.
"Did you hear what happened to the old Miss Johnson (the anesthesiologist)?"
"No."
"She died from using a vibrator."
"She couldn`t take the strain of sex at her age?"
"Nope. The battery short-circuited her pacemaker."
A man woke up after an appendectomy with a huge bandage over his groin as well as one over his abdomen. He rang the bell, and eventually the doctor came in.
"What in the hell is that bandage for?" the man asked anxiously.
"I`ve got to apologize for that", the surgeon said. "The appendectomy was such a success that the anesthesiologist applauded. When I bowed I cut off your penis with the scalpel."
The man waited anxiously in the anesthesiologist`s preoperative office for over a half hour. Finally, the physician came in and told the man he had good news and bad news.
"Give me the bad news first," the man said.
"The bad news is that you have leukemia. You`ve only got three months to live."
"That`s terrible!" the man exclaimed. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, then asked, "What`s the good news?"
The doctor replied, "I`ve just met your wife, and I think we`ll be very happy together after you`ve gone."
An anesthesiologist was surprised to find out that the cannibal chief had gone to school in England and spoke perfect English.
"I can`t understand how you could have spent so much time in civilization and still eat people."
"But now I use a knife and fork."
A cannibal went to the local anesthesiologist complaining he was bored and depressed.
"The problem with you", the anesthesiologist said, "is that you`re fed up with people".
The anesthesiologist stopped in a sleezy downtown coffee shop, the only place open at 3 A.M. The waitress who came over was scratching her ass as she waited for him to make up his mind.
"Do you have hemorrhoids?" the anesthesiologist asked.
"No special orders," the waitress barked.
The absent-minded anesthesiologist walked out of the operating room. A colleague came running up to him and said, "George, how did that appendectomy on my wife go?"
"Appendectomy?" George replied, "I just did an autopsy."
The old anesthesiologist walked into the whorehouse and approached the madam. "I`d like to have sex with a young girl," he said.
She took one look at him and said, "You must be over ninety."
"92."
"Well, pop. I think you`ve had it."
The old anesthesiologist looked confused for a moment. Then he said, "I have? How much do I owe?"
THINGS THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST WAS SAYING TO THE SURGEON DURING THE OPERATION:
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
- Darn, there go the lights again...
- Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two
of
'em.
- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my
concentration off..
- I hate it when they're missing stuff in here..
- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
- I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
- Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
- Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
- What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change....!
- OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak
of
nature.
- This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
- Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
- What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
- She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!
- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!
- Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing .
She, a surgeon and he, an anesthesiologist, just married in
the first
night.
She washed herself before going to bed like usually in OR. He
said:" Oh,
fine, good to have a surgeon as wife, typicall, everytime clean
and
sterile!"
Next morning she said:" Oh, I have also some compliments for
you,
typicall anesthesiologist, I did not feel anything!"